Getting Into Car Culture: The Wrong Way UPDATE

"Matthew Keyser" (teisco15) 10/20/2014 at 18:37 • Filed to: None

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The car loving community is really a lovely bunch of people, and I totally understand wanting to be a part of it. But at least try to do it right.

During the short walk from my car to the doors at my school, I was exposed to some of the worst examples of people trying far too hard to pretend to know about cars. These are the kinds of people that will jump into any conversation and give their "facts" no matter how inaccurate they may be.

A Senior that parks a few cars down from me got to drive his dad's car into school today, a few year old Camaro SS, and he was rather proud of himself. Good for him. Go have fun in that thing. We will call him Billy, mostly because he looks like a Billy.

He began walking with another senior who we will call Tony, mostly because his name is Tony.

Here is how the conversation went:

Tony: Hey man! Nice Car!

Billy: Thanks! It's my dads!

Tony: Sure looks like fun!

Billy: Yea, 500 horsepower, the thing is a beast.

Now a little light Googling will show that a Camaro SS does not have 500 horsepower. Now this would've been a fairly forgivable mistake. Maybe it had a light tune, or exhaust work. It probably does feel like 500 horsepower from his perspective. It would've been fine if this was an end of it, but it wasn't.

Billy: It's fun, but I can't wait until my dad gets the Z/28 later this year

Tony: Woah! Don't those have like 600 horsepower?

Billy: Actually 750. Supercharged V8, It'll be great!

Now 750 horsepower is a bold claim in any respect. A Camaro Z/28 is a jolly quick car I'm sure, but it's certainly not 750 horsepower quick. The Z/28 is also not supercharged.

Then somebody mentioned the new Corvette, which I'm assuming in their mind has a 1000 horsepower turbocharged jet engine.

Tony: Did he ever think about the Corvette?

Billy: He drove the new Z06, and it is fast, but Camaro is better. The Viper is a better value anyways.

The Viper is a better value anyways he said. Those words were actually spoken. I immediately began walking away from them at the fastest speed I could without looking suspicious.

I get the whole wanting to be a part of the car culture crowd, but at least kind of do some sort of research so you're not wrongfully spreading word of a 750 horsepower supercharged Camaro Z/28. Thats just inaccurate.

UPDATE: I went into school today, again walking in with Billy because I have no other options only to find out that after driving his dad's Camaro into school again on Friday, he was rear ended on his way home. The schools resident drug dealer claims his brakes failed and he slammed right into the back of Billy's fathers 500 horsepower Camaro SS. Guess he now has a reason to get the Z/28 he talked so much about.

Nibby > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:18

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Wait til you guys hear about my dad's 800 hp Corolla!

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:23

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Sounds like my high school. One of my classmates has a 2007 Accord. He tells everyone that it has a supercharged V8. They believe him. Another one says that his Optima Turbo hits 60 in 4.2 seconds. These are my AP classmates.

Jayhawk Jake > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:24

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http://youtu.be/WlDLybhuOH0

Frank Grimes > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:26

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Billy is an idiot.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:27

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So, did you hear his mom got a Corolla because the C63 she was totally gonna buy didn't have as good quality and emotion?

Big Bubba Ray > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:27

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It's super frustrating hearing people spew bullshit about cars. I work with this kid twice a week who loves to think that he knows everything about cars. He knows close to nothing and is constantly arguing with me about different aspects of cars, only to be proven wrong when I pull up evidence of my claims against his. I constantly want to go off on him and tell him to shut up, but I'm too nice and would rather help him learn. It's an ongoing process, to say the least.

I drove my Datsun to work early last week and this girl came into the place where I work. She immediately says "Hey is that your Corvette out there?!" I paused and was really confused for a good minute. She was obviously flirting with me and continued on to say "That car is beautiful. Corvettes are my dream cars." Wut. I had to let her down and tell her that it was a Datsun. Gave her a little lesson on Datsuns and I think her interest faded when I told her it wasn't a Corvette haha

End rant.

ihm96 > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:29

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You actually could argue for the Viper now that the price has dropped, but I'm sure theres no way in hell he knows what the Vipers price was, before or after haha. I wonder if his dad is even actually getting a Z/28, or if hes just making it up.

Aaron James > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:31

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These people get their information directly from youtube comments.

Baeromez > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:31

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When I was in high school a kid pointed out the alternator on his NA Grand Prix and told me that it was a turbo. There was also a guy with a fourth gen v6 Mustang with GT badges, a roof-mounted spoiler, and a huge NOS sticker on the back. He always declined to race my Grand Am GT because the bottle was supposedly always being filled. The 'fastest car in school' was generally considered to be this chick's brand new '07 v6 Mustang, regardless of my buddy's C4 vette and another friend's 350 swapped Fiero.

Kids will be kids I guess.

Aaron James > Nibby 10/16/2014 at 00:32

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Bro, my ten speed would totally waste that Corolla, it haz chrome spokes too.

ihm96 > Jayhawk Jake 10/16/2014 at 00:33

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Wow that video was funny

Matthew Keyser > Big Bubba Ray 10/16/2014 at 00:33

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It's hard just listening people talk about something they know nothing about. I just ignore them, It's not worth the headache of trying to explain to them why they're wrong about everything.

Matthew Keyser > Frank Grimes 10/16/2014 at 00:33

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HE LOOKS JUST LIKE THIS

Matthew Keyser > ihm96 10/16/2014 at 00:34

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Knowing Billy, I'd put money on him lying.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:35

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sounds like my school sadly...
The only real "car person" there drives a bone stock '04 focus SVT, that's been beaten to an inch of it's life.

the guy says it has a mustang SVT transmission, does 0-60 in 4.6 seconds, and that it makes 225hp.

No, it does none of that.

Luckily, I have a girl-friend who knows her stuff about cars, and she has surprised me by her knowledge! :D

Matthew Keyser > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 10/16/2014 at 00:35

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I don't know man, those Kias are getting wicked fast hahaha

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:35

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I got lucky. The people at my school don't BS. I spoke to a gentleman who had done a little work on an old Ford Ranger 4cyl, which and around 100hp stock. He made no ridiculous claims, at least in my opinion, and said that by his optimistic estimates, the truck now ran closer to 200. Same with a guy in my homeroom who had an '99 Eclipse GSX he tuned himself. He also made no insane claims, openly admitting that it probably was only moderately over the factory 210 horsepower.

Still, their was one senior, who everyone talked about as having a "600hp Evo Lancer". Turns out, the car was a blacked out base model Lancer with all the Evo appearance stuff, but only about 160hp. I know this, because a) I have seen it floored, and it took its sweet time leaving, and b) I have seen it stuck in snow, and unless they made a FWD Evo that I was unaware of, that thing was a total phony.

Matthew Keyser > Jayhawk Jake 10/16/2014 at 00:36

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I was having flashbacks to this video this morning. Read my mind haha

Matthew Keyser > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 10/16/2014 at 00:39

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He is the only really bad one out of the bunch. He normally drives a Chrysler Crossfire which he says he plans to do a Viper motor swap into... Yeah right. All the rest of the people pretty much know what they've got because they mostly all drive rusty Ford Taurus' haha

 V8 Rustler > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 10/16/2014 at 00:40

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I remember this lancer story, you posted it a while ago.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? >  V8 Rustler 10/16/2014 at 00:41

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It is one of the most ridiculous cases of performance car bullshitting I've ever heard, and it occurred right at my own school. I hope it may serve as a warning to others who wish to lie about what they drive.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:43

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There's another kid that has a new A8 3.0T. He brags about how it has the same engine as the R8. And he revs it frequently.

Baeromez > Big Bubba Ray 10/16/2014 at 00:48

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Lol, you know what they* say; 'vettes get 'em wet.

*they in this case being douchebags. Seriously, who says shit like that.

Matthew Keyser > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 10/16/2014 at 00:48

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I can't imagine lying about the car I drive. I almost dread getting asked the question how I got my car in fear that they'll think I'm lying. Actually lying would be tough haha

ihm96 > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 10/16/2014 at 00:50

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Outside my dorm we have a parking lot and a couple days ago, after our fall break, that a Lancer started appearing in it, and it has a Evo performance stuff, with a weird turbo badge, but based on the fact that the shifter (its an auto) is clearly not the same as the one in the evo. This is what it has

This is what an actual automatic Evo has

HammerheadFistpunch > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:50

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i have sympathy for ass talkers, i was young once. He needs an engineer friend

Big Bubba Ray > Baeromez 10/16/2014 at 00:51

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Haha this girl was trying to flirt just a liiiiitle too hard. Besides her, no girl has said they like the Datsun.

It's like a middle aged dude magnet. Every time I drive it "Oh hey man is that a 240? My friend had one in college/high school! Can I take a look at it?!"

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 00:55

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It is quite the background, to say the least.

RMudkips > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 01:03

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Oh man, sometimes I feel like this. Was having a conversation on the bus with my friend regarding why there's a raised floor at the back. I suggest that it's engine and drive train packaging in this annoying smartass way. His dad's a mechanic. I will feel like an ass if I'm wrong. It's better to speak too little I suppose.

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 01:10

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I was the weird car guy in my high school, and I drove a (mildly) tweaked B13 sedan with an SE-R suspension transplant, Dremel-modified airbox and SE-R wheels...

The guys with the "500"hp automatic V6 Mustangs used to give me shit, but I never really cared. I devoured them on twisty roads, anyway.

JKER > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 01:25

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Yup, pretty sure most high schools are like this. I know I look back on those years shamefully

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > Baeromez 10/16/2014 at 02:22

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Confession: I once though that an alternator was a turbo. But that was two years ago and I wasn't even on Oppo then.

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 10/16/2014 at 02:27

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I had someone once bet me his dad's Toyota Harrier could outperform our R53 Cooper S. I had to excuse myself for a while to have a laugh.

Baeromez > TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut 10/16/2014 at 03:11

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That's big of you to admit. I trust you've learned much since then. Can I offer you some blinker fluid? I forgot to mention before, there was a dude who's parents bought a new beatle for him which he picked out himself because he thought it would help him get chicks. When his turn signal burned out and he asked us 'car guys' what to do, we did in fact direct him to the local Autozone to ask for blinker fluid.

ReallyColorful > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 03:29

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I hate these kind of people. Specially because the uneducated hear Billy and Tony babble away and go "Yeah Billy and Tony are legit car guys". One guy from a Hyundai dealer told me that Subaru was going to release a STI BRZ soon. That was 2 years go. One coworker told me STI's are twin turbo and he knows it because he "owned" one. Another coworker that loves to brag about how much he "knows" about cars told me he was picking up his dream car, a 350Z with "bad heads" after the timing belt had snapped... I guess he didn't know his "dream car" has chain-driven cams. I know too many of these types of people.

*sigh*

Iheartmy365kHonda - Car enthusiasts do like FWD > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 03:42

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My real "nickname" is Billy. Thanks.

Iheartmy365kHonda - Car enthusiasts do like FWD > Frank Grimes 10/16/2014 at 03:43

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Please see my post below. >=( NOW!

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > Baeromez 10/16/2014 at 04:28

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You evil man!

Iheartmy365kHonda - Car enthusiasts do like FWD > Iheartmy365kHonda - Car enthusiasts do like FWD 10/16/2014 at 04:29

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Well, for some reason, I can't edit or remove my post. I feel like a dick now. Sorry.

Iheartmy365kHonda - Car enthusiasts do like FWD > Iheartmy365kHonda - Car enthusiasts do like FWD 10/16/2014 at 04:30

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Well, I can't edit the post, but thank God I can share it everywhere! Glad I'm able to do that.

I guess I'm fucked forever on Oppo.

Alex B > Nibby 10/16/2014 at 06:51

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Pfft. My Grandfather's Civic has 900 hp, brcause VTEC kicked in.

45bullets > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 07:18

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maybe...Z/28 HELLCAT?

Vicente Esteve > Matthew Keyser 10/16/2014 at 07:53

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First off, I also, HATE till the last inch of my nails these sort of people. There was this guy at school (Who left the city) that just had to beat me in car knowledge.

He said a Seat Ibiza had a V4 Engine.

Another friend of mine who is somewhat into cars but is very honest about what he says told him: "How a V4?" (I didn't say it because to me he is just a lost cause)

His response: "Yeah, 4 cylinders in V form. About 200 HP."

Also, I am having way too much fun reading the comments. How many people are that stupid when it comes to cars??

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/16/2014 at 09:48

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That's rubbish hahaha!

Matthew Keyser > 45bullets 10/16/2014 at 10:25

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YES

claramag, Mustaco Master > Alex B 10/16/2014 at 10:26

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...yo

Conan > Aaron James 10/17/2014 at 01:25

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I like the world so much better after https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detai…

Conan > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 10/17/2014 at 01:28

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I begin to understand why more of my students don't pass their AP tests every day.

WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe > Matthew Keyser 10/20/2014 at 18:53

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Ugh, these kinds of people. I had a "friend" back in high school and college tell me about how he modded all these cars. He always wrecked his cars as well. He tried telling me that he was going to get a Dodge Viper sedan, that Dodge made 500 of, and he was getting it for $3,000. I just shook my head and walked away.

I had another "friend" who was telling me about the "$4000 worth of work" he had done to his '00 Sunfire to give it a turbo and 400hp, and amusingly enough, during that same drive with him, the speedometer on this Sunfire went out, and read 40 over the actual speed. I laughed so hard. People are stupid, they really are.

I have never made up claims on any of my cars, I just don't see the point. It's just another form of a "measuring contest" so to speak. Where I live, everybody seems to rice out their cars as it is. I've even seen a few older Lexuses (Lexii) riced. I understand, that they are Japanese cars, and may be somewhat more prone to it, but the number of stanced, winged out ricer-mobiles after Tokyo Drift came out was just unreal.

Now, if you do make outrageous claims like that, and actually have done it, well, you are a unicorn. Fender vents and non-functioning hood scoops do not add 100 horsepower to each wheel, despite what claims you may have made. (Yes, I have heard that exact claim)

Tuned-Port-Injected-Rage > Matthew Keyser 10/20/2014 at 18:59

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This. I hear this shit in my high school all the time. One of my buddies thought the Charger Hellcat was turbocharged. Then you get all the kids in their V6 BroStangs, who think that their bone-stock 3.8 makes 350 HP. Just no.

JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7 > Matthew Keyser 10/20/2014 at 19:04

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No one at my school even gives two shits about cars. There are some not-too-bright guys in the state mandated "personal finance" class that watch street racing videos and comment on the cars, but that's about it...

djmt1 > Matthew Keyser 10/20/2014 at 19:08

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Ah the great debate: To Correct or not to Correct.

I usually stay out of things like this because 90% of the time the "information" they are imparting on the world is from somewhere else like Top Gear or a friend. One day they will realise that their source is wrong and will start on a journey of self betterment regarding cars.

BTW the 10% occurs when the person in question states the following: "I am expert in cars". In that case shit is going down along with the fool in question.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > ReallyColorful 10/20/2014 at 19:13

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to be fair, the STI BRZ rumour was everywhere 2 years ago.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/20/2014 at 19:44

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That poor SVT Focus. Does it have black leather seats? I'm not sure if they used that Getrag 6-speed in any Mustangs or not. It was also in the MINI Cooper S.

Getting to 225 HP takes a ton of work in the SVT. Also boost. Bolts-ons don't make much extra HP because that engine is pretty much tuned to the max already.

I own a 2002, number 85 ever made. I adore it, but it's not without its flaws.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 10/20/2014 at 20:02

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yup. that poor SVT focus. it was once a great hot hatch, still is actually, but not if beaten to shit like his. yup. black leather in side, albeit in pretty rough shape.

Oh and that girl-friend? she got her license suspended.... Still, she can drive my ride in parking lots all she wants!

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/20/2014 at 20:30

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Bastard has an EAP SVT, which are very rare.

Shiftright > Matthew Keyser 10/31/2014 at 23:14

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When I was a kid all the dudes kept bragging about how they had 60s on their clapped out Gen 2 Camaros (referring to tires). Whenever I asked what exactly they were referring to they told me it referred to the width of the tires, which made no sense, but they wouldn't listen to me because I was a kid. Same dudes thought anything with a V8 would automatically beat anything with less cylinders, but were eventually taught the meaning of handling when my lightly modded Scirocco MkI ran away and hid from their G-Body granny mobiles...even though they had 60s...